What a Woman Defines as LOVE | Women's Midlife Specialist
I often talk about how important it is for us to Lead and recognize our Gifts as Women. But I certainly never want to down play the role our partner has in SUPPORTING us in the ways WE need - so we are ABLE to Give our Gifts to Them, and the Family as a Whole.
This is really a critical piece that shouldn't be left out - ever.
There is so much research that shows how women actually thrive without spouses whereas this doesn't happen nearly as frequently in the lives of single men.
And it is not uncommon for women who are widowed or divorced to prefer to keep it that way instead of committing to another relationship, whereas that is not nearly as common with men.
Maybe it is because women find support with other women far more frequently than they do with a man. And when it boils down to what a Woman REALLY wants... it's all about Support.
For example... when a woman is helping someone else, anyone else... a man, another woman, an animal, the elderly, we just sense what to do and jump right in. Right?
But often men don't know how to do this. They often need assistance in figuring out how to help us. A LOT of assistance.
Have you ever asked your partner to help you with something... and they do exactly what you asked, and not a slithering more? Have you ever noticed that they don't see all the OTHER "little parts" that still need done, because these pieces weren't a part of the original "request" for help?
Are you with me here? Gosh... you don't want to keep asking! Often you just take what you get and wish for more. If it doesn't happen... you decide if it's worth asking for the next step... or just doing it yourself.
I believe men learn this from their father. If their father viewed his home duties as defined jobs in the household... and there was little effort to Give Freely with Unsolicited Help... their sons are going to do the same thing. Wait to be asked.
And since this was the status quo for most of our parent's generation, this male act of oblivion is spilling over into our generation as well.
Sometimes it can be humorous. Especially when you're sitting around with your girlfriends and commenting on how amazingly blind a man can be.
But most of the time, it isn't so humorous. It can even be hurtful. By the time a woman has reached her midlife years, she's ready to demand change... or give up.
Over time it may lead to the man viewing himself as the one "always willing to help". And the woman resenting her need to "always ask for help." She gets tired of being viewed as the "commander of jobs". And he gets tired of being accused of "never helping out". In HIS mind, lord forbid, he does EVERYTHING asked of him!
And to a woman, that's not even the main clincher! The main clincher is the Key Piece that can literally break down even a good relationship.
ALL a woman REALLY wants is FREELY Given Support and Appreciation. This is the Key to what a woman defines as Love. She'll do anything for a man who gives that to her. It's about Love.
We all know what a man wants.
The missing piece? There is NO WAY a woman is going to give to a man what HE wants, if HE first doesn't support her Soul's Foundational needs. If she has to always ask for Support, may it be emotional or physical, she will eventually give up asking. And then both parties lose.
Here's the "Definition" of this whole "Topic".
When you help someone and support someone BEFORE they ASK for help, you are Giving to that person. On the other hand, if you Give to someone because they ASKED you for help... You are HELPING them. You may not mind helping them... but it's still NOT a Gift. The person you are helping, may appreciate your help... but they know it was NOT a Gift.
Unfortunately, one of the worst mistakes men make is taking on the attitude that they will help only when ASKED to help. After all... certainly their partner KNOWS they are happy to help at any time!
The piece they are missing is critical: A Gift is something You Give to someone else without their asking for it.
And theres a hormone piece in here too! In both Men AND Women. MEN DO start experiencing male menopause in their 50's and 60's. Their testosterone is lower and usually they have gained weight - just like many women do... and with that extra weight comes more Estrogen.
So they really don't have that DRIVE to help like they used to have when their Testosterone was higher and Estrogen was lower. Often men start wanting to sit back more and let you take over. They MUCH prefer to sit back and wait for you to ASK for help.
Women on the other hand have less Estrogen - our nurturing hormone that when it is in full swing - Men would Love to keep it around forever! But as we move through Menopause, we've already spent 2-3 decades with childcare, the ballet and skating events, the cooking, cleaning, shopping, trip and party planning. We've done the big family Holiday events to bring everyone together... and we spent the next month recouperating! Now our natural Estrogen is a LOT lower... and especially if you don't replace it - that desire to nurture just isn't nearly as strong. Instead of tucking everyone up under our wings... we're ready to fly ourselves and start renewing our PERSONAL lives.
So ladies... please know that YOU do YOUR part, for sure! But they must do their part too. There is no such thing as a one way street. And with all the talk all the time about how important it is for us to understand our Gifts because we represent the HUB of the family... it's all true! But it doesn't mean in any way that your partner doesn't play a role to keep YOU supported so you CAN continue to Give your inherent Gifts.
If your partner doesn't understand this key piece to YOUR true potential... YOU have to tell them. How you do that is another matter. All relationships and situations are different. But... you WILL need to tell him.
Simply put, a woman can't be happy if she isn't supported naturally and without request. Support from a spouse should be a GIFT. Not a chore. Gifts are given Freely. If you have to Ask for it, it becomes a Chore.
Midlife changes (menopause) can also cause for changes in intimacy and put stress on a relationship.
Did you know more than 50% of all midlife women suffer with a dry vagina, and it is thought that this number is actually closer to 75% because so many women keep it to themselves because they are either embarrassed to tell their doctor OR afraid there isn't a solution for them!
The strength and flexibility of our Vaginal Tissues is dependent on Healthy Youthful Levels of Hormones! Research has shown that aging tissue is completely restorable without increasing risk of female cancer. Many women with Vaginal Atrophy suffer in silence, avoiding intercourse. Some women even avoid seeing their doctors for fear of pain associated with a physical exam. In fact, less than 25% of women with Vaginal Atrophy will talk to their doctor about this problem.
Because Vaginal Atrophy is a slow and progressive condition, many women may not pay close attention to what is occurring until she is silently suffering with painful symptoms.
Symptoms of Vaginal Atrophy include;
- External and Internal vaginal pain and irritation
- Achiness in the vagina and vulva (the esternal area)
- Vaginal dryness, itching, and /or burning
- Lack of normal healthy discharge
- Urinary leakage
- Painful intercourse (also known as dyspareunia)
- No interest in sexual intimacy
This is a serious condition that effects our lives. In addition to suffering with the pain, discomfort and emotional feelings associated with it, Vaginal Atrophy increases our risk of Urinary Tract Infections, and Urinary Leakage and Incontinence and causes us to have very low sex drive.
REACH YOUR FULL POTENTIAL in your relationships and in your health!!! We are living longer than before!!! Learn more about Midlife and How you can live the rest of your years in WELLNESS and HAPPINESS.
Don't suffer with Menopause and the symptoms it brings. Don't suffer with Hot Flashes, Mood Swings, Night Sweats keeping you from YOUR FULL Potential.
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